The Faith Step: Beginnings rarely feel certain

In 2020, I considered taking on some theological studies, but there were so many unknowns. Did I have what it would take to achieve this goal? What if I failed? Which degree was the right one? What if I made a mistake? What would this all lead to? How long would it take? Could I commit to a long process? Was studying the right step for me?

Ultimately, I had to choose whether to take the chance to fulfil a dream that burned deep in my heart or be content to put the dream away.

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrews 11:8

Just like Abraham's step of faith was uncertain, choosing to start my learning journey through formal academic study was also a big decision. In all honesty, the destination is still unclear. Looking back, though, I'm grateful for the people around me who encouraged me to lean into the discomfort and get started.

The seed had been planted long ago...

My father studied at Commonwealth Bible College when I was a young girl. It was the early 90s, and back then, most students lived on campus at the college in Katoomba in the Blue Mountains. Weekends and holidays were spent playing hide and seek with my friends through the halls and lecture theatres of the grand old buildings, trying to avoid being caught or told off for being too noisy. We played schools in the classrooms, played on the old pianos and revelled in the camaraderie of the students who always seemed to have so much fun.

These few years profoundly impacted me, and I treasure those times even now. Going to Bible College was the only thing I wanted to do when I finished high school. It didn't happen that way for me, though, and years later, in my late 30s, the opportunity presented itself to undertake study. This time, it would be online and part-time. Not quite the experience I had observed, but still satisfying the deep yearning to learn more about the things of God and worship him with all my mind as well as my heart, soul and strength. I was worried that I wouldn't be smart enough and would fail. I was put off by the length of time that it could take with work and family responsibilities.

It seemed like such a big commitment, and now I'm on the other side, it was... but it also went quickly and was so worth it.

It has been five and a half years of living by semester calendars. Five and a half years of exams, essays, and exegesis. Five and a half years of stretching, learning, unlearning, questioning, relearning and realising that in the scheme of what there is to know, I, in fact, know very little.

In terms of content, I've learned a bunch of things to do with ministry, theological concepts, faithful biblical interpretation, the ancient world and ancient language. To think I know everything about these topics would be sheer hubris. The end of this course is only the end of a beginning. My study will continue, and to stop after such effort would be to waste the skills that study has equipped me with.

Study is a lifelong pursuit, and the worship of God with our mind is similarly not ever something that should end. Formal study has equipped me to engage with information deeply and meaningfully. This has been incredibly fulfilling, but it makes some teachings unpalatable when they lack depth. I imagine it might be like a chef who specialises in fine dining no longer being satisfied with frozen veggies or fast food because they understand and appreciate the nourishment from fresh and carefully cooked cuisine. But it has never been just an exercise of the mind. There have been moments in my studies so far that have transformed my heart and moments where the Holy Spirit has deeply ministered to me.

To start, or not to start?

The act of just getting started has been an incredible gift. It changed the way I view the world. Taking that first step has altered how I think about things and the ways in which I engage with the world. It has opened my eyes to see things that I never noticed before. I'm aware of how much I don't know, and I'm far less inclined to preach my poorly formed opinions as a result. But within that, it has changed the way I view myself. I've learned that I am incredibly capable. I've learned new ways of believing in myself and pushing my boundaries for growth.

Getting started is sometimes the hardest thing to do and the thing that holds us back the most. The people encouraging me to start my learning journey made that scary first step a lot easier. Their encouragement was exactly what I needed to be brave enough to start.

Once I started, I was hooked. One step turned to the next, then the next. Sometimes, I walked; sometimes, it was a sprint; other times, it felt like a crawl. But one day, not long ago, I hit the finish line. It was surreal after so much time, effort and energy. And just like that, I realised none of my worries were half as bad as I had imagined. Some of my concerns were legitimate, sure, but none were insurmountable.

What about you?

If there were something that you wanted to do or learn or achieve or accomplish, what would it take you to start today? What if the things that stop you from moving forward aren't as bad as you imagine? What is your first step? Once you take it, the next one becomes apparent and easier.

You may have concerns about getting started. They may be genuine concerns, too. But I encourage you that most challenges are not insurmountable. My friend on a similar journey shared the encouragement that helped her start her learning journey when she was concerned about how long it would take:

"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." ― Earl Nightingale

Let us be your friends who dream about the possibilities with you and cheer you on as you start. The time will pass anyway.

You will never regret trying something new, especially if you have dreamed about it for years.

You are more capable than you believe.

You will grow, and that is always a good thing.

That faith step might seem strange and uncertain, but mainly, that's how the best beginnings start.